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What Do Men Seek From Church

What Do Men Seek From Church?

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Men, what are you looking for in your local church? (Lightstock file photo)

I am often asked, "Why are the men leaving the church today?" Sometimes it comes out as, "What can we do to keep the men of this church?" or "How can our church reach more men?"

There is no easy answer, but in this article I would like to provide some basic principles that will help you develop a male-friendly church. The overriding principle is simply this:

The environment you develop is more important than the events or programs you put on. A man is looking for an environment that is consistent with who he is as a man and a place where he feels comfortable belonging and becoming the man God wants him to be.

1. Relevance. Most men in our society today do not see the value of going to church because it is not speaking their language, and it is not addressing the issues they face. For example, a recent survey showed that 92 percent of church-going men have never heard a sermon on the subject of work. The unspoken message is: What you do for 60 to 70 hours a week does not relate to what you do on Sunday mornings. The most important issues for men are their work, family, marriage, sexuality and finances—and rarely are these addressed from the pulpit today? Some of the key questions men are asking are:

  • What is true masculinity?
  • What is success?
  • How do I deal with guilt feelings?
  • What is male sexuality?
  • Is purity possible today?
  • What does a healthy marriage look like?
  • How can I raise my children to be successful?
  • How can I be a man of integrity in the workplace?
  • How can I be a leader in the home, church, workplace and world?
  • What is my purpose in life?

2. To be involved in a cause greater than themselves. Men want to be involved in something driven by a compelling vision. Men want to know what hill the church is climbing, where we are going, what we are about. The church has the greatest and most far-reaching mission on Earth, and we should not be bashful about challenging the men of our congregation with it.

3. A shot at greatness. I have never met a man who wanted to be a failure or a loser. Men want to win. They want to be heroes. They want to come in first. Unfortunately, it seems the church today wants nice men, not great men.

4. To be challenged. Men tend to view the world around them as something to be overcome or conquered. It's high time we told them they do not have to check their competitive drive at the door of the church. If they are seeking risk, adventure, change, competition and expansion—tell them how to find it within the mission of Jesus.

5. Action. Men today are looking for something to do; they do not like sitting around and theorizing about the 27 views of the second coming of Christ! Men measure themselves by productivity and gain a portion of self-image based on what they do. Their desire for adventure is often expressed in the desire to be on the solution side of things. Many churches today are in maintenance mode, rather than being missional.

6. Men are looking for leaders, and they want to be leaders. This principle is simple: Men do not follow programs, they follow men. They want to follow a bold, courageous, visionary leader. Establish an environment where strong leadership is attractive. Not only are men looking for a leader to follow, they want to become leaders themselves. They want to lead in their family, workplace, church, community and world. One of the things you can do is equip them to lead.

7. Fun. If men walk into a church and see a bunch of serious, stoic-looking people, shouldn't they wonder if Christianity really is a killjoy? The world is a serious place; men are looking to laugh and have fun to balance that reality. They love a good joke, funny story or movie. I encourage you to develop a ministry environment in which men have fun together.

8. Brothers. Most men have many acquaintances, but very few men have a good friend. According to statistics, the average man over 35 years old does not have one close friend. Men need teaching on how to develop and strengthen friendships and an environment where they can find genuine male friends.

9. Healing. Many are using socially unacceptable means to deal with their pain—making their work or their hobbies their life, misusing sex, drugs or alcohol. Unless these wounds and hurts are dealt with in a healthy way, they will never become the man that God wants them to be. They will never be able to have healthy relationships or move on from childish behavior.

I hope some of these insights from my own ministry to men will serve you well as you seek to minister more effectively to the men of your church and community.

Steve Sonderman is the associate pastor for men's ministry at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wis., and the author of How to Build a Life-Changing Men's Ministry.

For the original article, visit men.ag.org.

How the Church Can Display God's Power

How the Church Can Display God’s Power

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by Lisa Bevere Author of Girls with Swords: How to Carry Your Cross Like a Hero.

Imagine you are blindfolded in the middle of a battlefield. The deafening sounds of explosions are drowning out the shouts of direction from those around you. From where you stand, all you perceive is that there is a war against you. Without vision or distinction between your enemy and allies, you begin simply aiming for what you believe is aiming for you.

Without a biblical understanding of the spiritual battle that surrounds us, this is what we end up doing. We aim at those we are meant to fight alongside, causing division and undermining our ability to fight our true adversary. Scripture tells us:

"… We do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places" (Eph. 6:12, ESV)

We cannot assume that just because something is outside our realm of notice it has no influence on us. It is time we use our minds!

Here is the bad news: your mind is engaged in a wrestling match, and there is no way for you to opt out. The good news is that you have the power to choose what you wrestle with.

Our enemy wants to divert our focus from the unseen wrestling match. He doesn't want us to strike at the source that is actually casting the shadow. But the truth is, people have not targeted you—even though at times it may feel that way. Something far more cunning and ancient has you in its sights. The enemy strives to create and continue the division among mankind because he is afraid of the power you carry.

Shortly before He went to the cross, Jesus prayed:

"… Then they'll be mature in this oneness, and give the godless world evidence that you've sent me and loved them in the same way you've loved me" (John 17:23, MSG, emphasis added).

If we're united, there's a chance the world might yet believe, but if we're divisive and divided, the odds are stacked against us!

Division has been the natural course of this world since the fall of mankind. It never glorifies Jesus, and although it has many faces, it ultimately has a singular goal: destruction. Unity and peace, on the other hand, require intentional and strategic wisdom. We have to employ heaven's actions to counter our culture's initiatives.

What might happen if we were one heart, one voice, one vision and purpose, one name, one kingdom to glorify Jesus? We would walk in a way that our weary earth would glimpse heaven.

Today, ask God to help you distinguish the real enemy from what that enemy would use to distract you. Is there any area of your life where you need to combat the power of division? Invite the Holy Spirit to give you a strategy for creating unity. What is He revealing to you?

Check out Lisa Bevere's book Girls with Swords: How to Carry Your Cross Like a Hero.

Is Consistency Overrated?

Is Consistency Overrated?

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Consistent discipline has been touted as the key to raising godly children. Yet here's what's missing from that line of thinking. (iStockPhoto | Kevin Russ)

"Consistency is overrated." I love that statement!

"That is the most freeing statement I've heard in a long time." That's what one mom said when we freed her from the guilt she experienced because she couldn't always be consistent. She continued, "It makes so much sense now. Thank you." Here's what we told her.

If you're doing simple behavior modification, then consistency is essential. Giving the reward or punishment every time you see the behavior will reinforce change. But if you're using a heart-based approach, you have more effective tools you can use to make lasting change.

Behavior modification as a science began in the early 1900s when Pavlov made some exciting discoveries as he worked with dogs. If he consistently rang a bell just before he fed the dogs, then he could get the dogs to salivate by simply ringing the bell. This discovery of how to motivate a dog was picked up by Watson in the 1920s and he began to apply behavior modification to people. In fact, it wasn't long before behavior modification became a primary way to help people stop smoking, lose weight and deal with a host of other behavioral issues.

Kids Are Not Animals

People, however, are different from animals because they have hearts and that affects the learning process. The heart contains things like emotions, desires, convictions and passion. In short, the heart is a wrestling place where decisions are made. A child's tendencies come from the heart. When a child lies to get out of trouble, that's a heart issue. If a brother reacts with anger each time his sister is annoying, that's a heart issue. Simply focusing on behavior may provide some quick change, but lasting change takes place in the heart.

Parents who simply use behavior modification often end up with kids who look good on the outside while having significant problems on the inside. Consistency can teach kids to appear good, clean and nice, but other parenting skills must be added to the picture in order to help children change their hearts.

Here's Rhonda's Story

Rhonda finds this principle particularly helpful. "I have four kids and a household to run. Invariably I'd have to sacrifice consistency in an area with one or more of my kids to accomplish my other tasks. When I realized that there's more to parenting than just being consistent, it freed me up to work on bigger goals with my kids. Now I realize that there's much more to parenting and I feel empowered with other tools as well. I'm continually asking question about my children's hearts and I'm learning a lot about how to mold and influence them to go in the right direction. I'm seeing more change in my kids with this new approach."

Please don't misunderstand us. Consistency is important, especially when kids are young. But if you think more broadly about parenting and embrace creativity into your training, then you'll be more effective at molding the hearts of your kids at any age. Your primary task as parent is to teach your kids, and a little work in the creativity department can make all the difference.

Deuteronomy 11:18-20 not only tells parents to train their kids, but it tells them how to do it. Notice the opportunities God designed for creativity: "Therefore you must fix these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, so that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

If you take that verse apart, you'll start thinking about your own home and your own kids and creative ways to teach them about life.

Even in Old Testament times God knew that kids learn best through life experiences. Thinking beyond behavior, to the hearts of your kids will give you new insights and freedom.

This parenting tip comes from the book, The Christian Parenting Handbook, 50 Heart-Based Strategies for all the Stages of Your Child's Life by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. These 50 strategies help you add creativity to your parenting and see beyond the behavior problems.

EMS of ECWA

Praise & Prayer October 2015

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EMS OF ECWA
PRAISE & PRAYER, OCTOBER 2015

Prayer/Counseling hotline: 08033673654, 08051614880

E-mail: prayerpromotion@emsofecwa.org
Website: www.emsofecwa.org
Brethren, pray for us (1 Thess. 5:25)
 
WEEK ONE-FOCUS ON PRAISE/THANKSGIVING
“Give unto the Lord the Glory due unto His Name; worship the lord in the beauty of his holiness” (Ps.29:2)
 
THURSDAY 1ST Thank God for the successful prayer and fasting for the Mission Sunday and thank God for the answered prayers during and in advance of our prayers. Give thanks unto the Lord and give God the glory due unto His Name for His sustaining Grace and mercy on EMS/ECWA, and Nigeria as a nation these past nine months. Praise Him for lunching Nigeria into its 55th year of independence.
 
FRIDAY 2ND Worship the Lord for favor granted to EMS to obtain visas for cross border trips last month and for Journey mercies granted to the Director and other management staff, alongside drivers in all their trips to Cotonou, Lome, Accra, Tamale, Lusaka, Blantyre, Nairobi and Bamenda through out August and September.
 
SATURDAY 3RD Give thanks to the Lord for the success of Programs held in the month of September by EMS missionaries in various mission Fields across the country and abroad. Worship Him for the bountiful Harvest of Souls recorded through these Programs.
 
WEEK TWO-FOCUS ON EMS ADMINISTRATIVE OFFICE AND HOME MISSION FILDS
…Put ye the sickle, because the harvest is come” Mark 4:29
 
SUNDAY 4TH THIS RAYER IS TO BE SAID PERSONALY: Oh God, help me live my life completely in total dependence on you and help me to grow in righteousness every day. Also pray that as EMS Sunday is being observed today nationwide, may the hearts of all be steered to give generously towards the propagation of the gospel of Christ through EMS and that all church leaders and Pastors will be burdened of God not to hold back any collection that is meant for this purpose.
 
NOTE: BEGINNING FROM SEPTEMBER 7TH, FIRST (1ST) MONDAY OF EVERY MONTH IS TO BE OBSERVED NATIONALLY AND INTERNATIONALLY AS EMS PRAYER AND FASTING DAY. ALL EMS ARMS, MISSIONARIES, OFFICE STAFF, WE PLEAD WITH OUR PRAYER PARTNERS AND SUPPORTERS TO JOIN THE EMS INTERNATIONAL HEAD OFFICE IN PRAYERS AS WE TRUST GOD TO BE JOINING FAITH IN ONE ACCORD WITH BRETHREN AROUND THE WORLD IN PRAYERS FOR A STEADY AND A FRUITFUL GROWTH OF EMS, PEACE AND THE SALVATION OF NATIONS, AND FOR REVIVAL AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH OF THE CHURCH. OUR COPORATE PRAYER TIME AT THE HEAD OFFICE, IS 8-9AM, 12-1PM, AND 4-5PM RESPECTIVELY. YOU CAN JOIN US IN PRAYERS WHEREVER YOU MAY BE AT THOSE TIMES OR MAKE OUT TIME OF YOUR OWN CONVENIENCE AS YOU ARE LED TO BY GOD PLEASE. JUST BE SURE TO PRAY ALONG AS YOU FAST.
 
MONDAY 5TH Thank God for the Muslim convert that was led to Christ by our Pastor Bilkitama Mumuni, serving in the South-North East Region. Pray that God should uphold the convert in righteousness in this most persecuted region of Nigeria for Christians, especially Christian converts.
 
TEUSDAY 6TH Praise God for His deliverance of three-occultist brethren in the north central region. Pray that their encounter with the lord will stir up revival in that land. Also, pray for God’s comfort on the family of Pastor John Baraya who lost his son on the 30th of August 2015.
 
WEDNESDAY 7TH Pray for God’s provision towards the following EMS needs: A house for Tsiga DCC EMS Coordinator, in the Far North Region. Zaranda 2,Prayer house (N250,000) for roofing; Keffi DCC, for church buildings and a pastorium in Sabon Gida, EMS station Agada, and at EMS station Magaji, and all EMS stations that are due to be weaned but are still faced with challenges of places of worship because they still in rented places of worship.
 
THURSDAY 8TH Pray that God should raise indigenous EMS missionaries in Benue state. Also, pray for ECWA churches, most especially EMS stations in the Idoma/Igede axes, for God’s sustaining grace and provision for Church’s lands and buildings. In addition, keep praying for God's intervention on EMS station at Ndok Aminika, Makurdi DCC, and pray for this community that is fighting to revoke the church land from ECWA.
 
FRIDAY 9TH City Ministry of EMS (Gidan-Bege) is trusting God for Financial assistance from Universal Basic Education (UBE) Abuja for the Gyero Orphanage School. Pray that this expectation will come through. Also, pray for the Visits of Plateau state first lady to the House of Hope, that it should be fruitful.
 
SATURDAY 10TH Ask the Lord to touch all EMS field missionaries and their family members suffering from one ailment or the other with His mighty healing hand. Pray for God’s touch on the son of Pastor. Iliya D. Bawa, of Akwanga DCC, who has not, been able to walk for the past 15 years. Also pray for Pastor Irimiya Habu and Pastor Anthony Unenge all of Makurdi DCC who are currently faced with spiritual attacks of various types. WEEK THREE-FOCUS ON CROSS BORDERS MISSION FIELDS “… Go into all the world and Preach the Godnews…” Mark. 16:15
 
SUNDAY 11TH Thank God for journey mercies for the several missionary journeys undertaken especially to West, Central and East Africa. Thank God, for provision of funds to meet missionaries' needs on the Cross Borders Fields. Thank God, for the progress of work in new frontiers opened, especially in east Africa.
 
MONDAY 12TH Pray that God will provide financial resources for the next phase of work in most of the Cross Border Fields. Funds are required for the purchase and development of lands for worship, discipleship and theological training, upkeep of Missionaries and sending more missionaries etc.
 
TEUSDAY 13TH THNIGER REPUBLIC – Thank God for His protection against Boko Haram insurgents and pray for the Lord's continual protection of the country, especially believers. – Continue to pray for Pastor Ali Moussa who is mobilizing the believers in Bagaja to build a place of worship.
 
WEDNESDAY 14TH MALAW: – Pray for the spiritual growth and stability of new converts in Malawi mission stations. – Continue to pray for provisions of fund towards the development of the ECWA Church land in Blantyre, Malawi.
 
THURSDAY 15TH Pray that God will intervene to remove bottle necks of Visas and other processing documents needed to visit Cross Borer Fields especially in East Africa, USA and Europe.
 
FRIDAY 16TH Pray for God to restore peace to Burkina Faso and Burundi, which presently has political crises and this has consequently prevented our Missionaries Rev. Dr & Mrs Nathan Chiroma from starting mission work there. Pray that God will encourage our Missionaries as they wait upon Him.
 
SATURDAY 17TH Pray that God will raise a harvest work force of missionaries that have a genuine calling for cross Border Work. Pray for the breaking forth of revival on our Cross Borders Fields. WEEK FOUR-FOCUSES ON CHURCH GROWTH AND REVIVAL “…to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the hearts of the contrite one”.Isa.57:15
 
SUNDAY 18TH Pray for the Lord to sustain upon the church the burden for Holy living and witnessing.
 
MONDAY 19ST Pray that the Lord will raise for himself a formidable harvest force from ECWA, through its theological training, church programs and EMS initiated missiological programs and presentations.
 
TEUSDAY 20RD Ask the Lord to continuously burden ECWA Executives and ministers to sustain a consistent revival among ECWA members towards living lives worthy of emulation at all times and in all places.
 
WEDNESDAY 21ST The reality of the fact that “the Character of the witness determines the quality of the converts” as observed by A.W Tozer is dawning on the present day church where there are many witnesses who are increasingly making converts, who are larking righteousness and the fear of God. Pray that God will burdened his ministers at every level of ministry to live quality lives of kingdom standard worthy of emulation.
 
THURSDAY 22ND Praise God for the progress recorded so far on ECWA Radio and TV ministry project. Pray for more of Gods leading as more work is ongoing for the take-off of this pivotal ministry.
 
FRIDAY 23RD Pray for missionary children, that God will help provide for their spiritual, academic, and material needs, so that they will grow up to be Gods Honoring Vessels.
 
SATURDAY 24TH Pray for ECWA families that are faced with financial, health, and peace crises that God will visit them and restore peace and stability in their homes. WEEK FIVE-FOCUS ON THE PEACE AND SALVATION OF THE NATIONS “I will shake the nations, so they will come to the Desire of this Temple…”Hag.2:7
 
SUNDAY 25TH Praise God for His sustaining Grace on Nigeria during these past five months under the leadership of president Mohammadu Buhari.
 
MONDAY 26TH Pray for road, air, and sea transport safety for Nigerians in the month of October, especially for all Mission partners, Mission agencies, Missionaries, Pastors, and Evangelists traveling.
 
TEUSDAY 27TH Thank the Lord for the success achieved in the government fight against Boko Haram in the last nine months; pray for the captives of the insurgence liberated from various camp for God’s Divine cover, peace and refreshment. Also, pray for the liberation of those who are still held captive.
 
WEDNESDAY 28TH Pray for the cabinet of president Buhari; that God will enable them to be true agents of positive change. Ask the Lord to expose anyone in the Nigerian Government who is an agent of sabotage.
 
THURSDAY 29TH Ask the Lord to rid every Nigerian Government official of selfish interest and give him or her a sacrificial spirit to serve the people of Nigeria to the purpose of God.
 
FRIDAY 30TH Pray that every Nigerian Should imbibe a true spirit of patriotism, by embracing the positive values found in their faith, especially love, compassion, justice and peace.
 
SATURDAY 31ST Pray for Global peace and security throughout these last three months of 2015. Also ask the Lord to continuously comfort grieving families who lost friends and relatives in war, violence and religious crises in these past nine months across the country and the globe.